Stop The Bullies
"I just want the bullying to stop. That is all I ever wanted. I used to love going to school. Now I hate it." -- Verity Ward
What is a bully? When does the typical behavior of children (younger and older) stop being normal and expected and transcend to bullying? Those seem like fairly easy questions and they used to have fairly easy answers. We used to know which children were bullies and were reasonably clear about when normal behavior crossed the line into bullying, but no more.
What is a bully? That is a child who frightens or tries to dominate other children by threatening or intimidating them. Bullies use threats or implied threats to compel or deter behavior, compliance, or whatever else the bully wants.
Fundamentally, bullying is a psychological strategy used to exercise power and control over other children. The bully may need to occasionally follow through with the implied threat to maintain credibility but only does that when the victim is clearly weaker. For the most part, though, the threat remains implied.
There are, of course, children who are violent and whose aggression is not mediated by social norms, values, and interpersonal influences. Their interest is not in intimidating and controlling. Rather they attack anything or anyone who stands between them and what they want, whenever they want it. They are truly dangerous but the behavior is not bullying. It may be a product of severe emotional disturbance, socialization and life experience, or a myriad of other factors. Whatever the cause, to call it bullying is to miss its significance. These children are a very real menace to other children and to the community.
Bullies may use physical threats or intimidation as in, "If you don't comply with my wishes, I will hurt you."
They may use positional intimidation as in, "If you don't comply with my wishes, I will tell on you, get you in trouble, get other people to reject you? and I can do that because I am in a position to be more credible than you."
They may use personal intimidation as in, "If you don't comply with my wishes, I won't like you, won't hang around with you, won't be your boyfriend/girlfriend..."
Bullying ranges from mild and occasional to serious and chronic and for some children, it may evolve into more violent behavior. For most children who bully, though, the tendency may continue into adolescence and adult adjustment but does not go beyond bullying and persisting use of intimidation strategies and approaches with people who are not in a position to do much about it.
That was the easy answer to the "What is a bully?" question. The more difficult answer is to the secondary question, "Which children are bullies?" It would seem that we would only need to identify those children who frighten or try to dominate other children by threatening or intimidating them but it is no longer that simple.
Within society in general and schools in particular, bullying has become a major focus for concern, discussion, educational emphasis, and disciplinary intervention. This is likely prompted by much more attention to youth violence, well-publicized tragedies in schools and communities, and an insidious discomfort with and fear of young people. Whatever the origin of the increased emphasis and whether it is warranted or unwarranted, there is an unintended but nonetheless unfortunate outcome. The use of the bullying concept is expanding to include more and more children. Behavior that was previously seen as normal and as part of the typical development and socialization of children is being redefined as bullying and thus as deviant. Normal children who are struggling with normal social and emotional issues are being reclassified as having behavior and adjustment problems that require a variety of adult interventions.
The problem with this expanding inclusion of more and more children into the bully circle is twofold. First, children whose development and adjustment are quite normal and healthy as they struggle along the often confusing and conflicting path to adulthood are confronted with the added pressure of being classified as bullies and being treated as if there is something wrong with them. They need support, guidance, and direction but do not need or benefit from being grouped with children who do need corrective intervention.
Second, by expanding the definition and concept, children who do frighten or try to dominate other children by threatening or intimidating them and who need corrective intervention get less attention and focus. Additionally, their behavior is interpreted as more deviant than when the bully concept was understood more narrowly. When large numbers of children who do not frighten or try to dominate other children by threatening or intimidating them are included, those who do are immediately more deviant than most members of the group. Instead of being bullies, they are now the "worst case" bullies. In that position, they are likely to be punished more severely and treated less sympathetically than they would have been before the bully concept expanded.
The result of this is that far too many children are being counseled and subjected to interventions they do not need and find confusing. At the same time, children who do need thoughtful and careful evaluation and intervention are being treated with a punitive and harmful degree of insensitivity that may exacerbate their adjustment problems instead of correcting them.
Everyone would do well to refer to a child as a bully only if he (or she) repeatedly frightens or dominates other children by threatening or intimidating them. The majority of children who occasionally are insensitive, inconsiderate, rood, inappropriate, socially and emotionally hurtful, negatively impulsive, and who sometimes have bad judgment and are not very nice need to stay in the "normal kid" classification where they receive the firm and understanding support and guidance they need and deserve, without being seen either by adults or by themselves or other children as deviant.
------
For more articles by Gary Crow, visit http://www.LeadershipVillage.com
or http://www.ParentsLead.com
How To Build Your Solar Pool Heater
A solar pool heater can greatly improve the use you get from your swimming pool. And you can easily, and cheaply build one yourself.
You and your family will enjoy your swimming pool or outdoor spa for a greater part of the year. Into spring and autumn. And into cooler mornings and evenings. When others are shivering!
There are four ways to heat your pool:
Electric heater
Gas, usually a propane heater
Using a pool cover
Solar pool heater
The solar solution is best. It's cheap to run and you don't contribute to greenhouse gas emissions. A guilt-free time in your comfortably warm pool or outdoor spa! Why not.
A commercial pool heater can cost you up to $2000. But you can build your own at a small fraction of that cost.
Just look around on the web for guides that give you clear instructions of how to build your system. There are several.
Be sure to look for some essential elements at least, in any guide you buy:
A clear list of materials with step-by-step instructions
Materials should be easy to source locally and be inexpensive
No requirements for complicated engineering, electrical skills or welding
Clear diagrams
Some troubleshooting suggestions
How do solar pool heaters work?
They run on a passive solar principle. Simply, pool water runs through long lengths of flexible tubing. These are suspended in front of reflectors to receive and transmit the sun's warmth to the water in the tubing. The tubing should be protected, say with with polythene sheeting, from any wind chill.
The reflectors can be made out of halved storm water piping, sprayed with chrome paint to maximise their reflective powers.
To circulate this warmed water through your pool or spa you will need a small pond pump or solar electric pump. The latter is more expensive, but obviously you will help the environment and your wallet by spending a little more to start with.
One guide suggests that minimum pump specifications should be that it delivers 10 litres per minute (120 gals/hour) and is capable of raising water to 1.6m (5’2”).
All components, containing tubing, reflectors and cover, are assembled into a solar panel. Its ideal size depends on optimum dimensions for ease of handling, structural integrity and heating efficiency. Of course more than one panel can be used. A spa would not need a large panel. But then again... some like it hot!
In general, a panel measuring 3.4m (11’ 4”) by 1.4m (4’ 8”) is effective on pools up to 30,000 litres (6000 gal).
Panels should be placed in such a way to maximise receipt of the sun's rays. It's best to have them face the sun's mid day position. Place them vertically on a fence or horizontally on your roof.
To make the best of your solar pool heater, it makes sense to use it with a solar blanket. But this is not normally required to benefit from your now upgraded asset - your pool or spa.
Give it a go! Your family will thank you for it.
Go here for further details: http://www.alternate-energy-sources.com/solar-pool-heater.html
Using And Creating Fill-In Baby Shower Invitations
Fill-in baby shower invitations are useful and serve a purpose when it comes to baby showers. Fill-in baby shower invitations can be purchased or made.
The reason fill-in baby shower invitations are handy is because all of the information is contained on the invitation and these kinds of invitations are often not as costly. Fill-in baby shower invitations are less expensive because you can purchase them almost anywhere and this means you can have a lovely invitation without spending all your baby shower budget at a stationery store.
If you chose to purchase fill-in baby shower invitations you will have many places to shop. Check online sites for some of the best and most unique choices. This is also a convenient way to shop because you don’t even have to leave your house and the fill-in baby shower invitations will be shipped right to your door. After you receive them all you need to do is fill in the information and put them in the mail.
Maybe you would rather make the fill-in baby shower invitations yourself. You can purchase plain cards in many different colors and put together the fill-in section yourself using a computer program or a rubber stamp. Finish the fill-in invitation with an embellishment or two and a little ribbon bow. All you will need to do next is write out the information and head to the post office.
Fill-in baby shower invitations are great and make the invitation part of the shower a breeze! Try fill-in baby shower invitations for your next shower.
For more information concerning baby showers please visit The Baby Shower Zone - a website that specializes in Fill-In Baby Shower Invitations
